we fight to the death and communicate less

Does "Lately, I've been feeling a little neglected" sound more conciliatory than "You've been neglecting me."? Yes it does.
Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information; it's also about understanding the emotions behind the information. Listening is one of the most important aspects of effective communication. Most times because we are trying to make our points known, we blurt out all of our angry feelings in the highest tunes rather than speaking slowly enough for our partner to understand. There is nothing wrong with speaking your mind but when you do, give a clarify information so as to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. When communicating how you feel, try to hit all of the key points instead of going round in circles and repeating what’s already been said. If you keep talking and talking, your partner might become overwhelmed and tag you as the nag.
As much as you want to get it all out, try not start an argument off by accusing your partner of making a mistake, this way partner is less defensive and more likely to communicate openly. Sometimes your partner is still working out his/her thoughts and feelings and wants some time to him/herself. Giving space and time to reflect and process those feelings can bring admission and realization. Remember a true compromise is one in which both partners feel that their thoughts and feelings are addressed while adhering to real constraints.